More Funny Numbers

Alex Barnett was working as an attorney doing class actions until he got laid off. He is now doing contract work to pay the bills and stand-up comedy to try and switch careers. Sadly, the odds of getting a TV show are probably better now than getting a gig as an attorney.

He’s smart to try alternative careers. The National Association for Law Placement reported that only 71 percent of the class of 2009 got jobs that require JDs. That number seems funny to me, I’d say it’s probably more in the 21 percent range, and only because I’m feeling generous today.

The article notes that there is a huge oversupply of lawyers, and what the blogs have been saying for months, there are no jobs:

This is true even at major BigLaw firms: Despite a bankruptcy practice that reportedly is booming, the New York office of Weil Gotshal & Manges, for instance, hired only 20 summer associates this year, down from 96 last year.

If you’ve come up with an alternate career and left the law, or know someone who has, write in and let me know so I can post it to give everyone some ideas, and possibly, a little hope for a better future.

Beauty Doing Time

I’m sure she’s probably a spoiled brat, and I shouldn’t feel sorry for Lindsay, but I do. Or maybe it’s just guilt because I couldn’t stop staring at her tits during the movie Mean Girls. She’s fired or lost another lawyer; had to take the first one back, and is now stuck in jail.

Why does Lindsay keep hiring OJ’s former lawyers? Will former OJ lawyer and Cardozo Casanova Barry Scheck be next? The good news is, if she hooks up with the large nosed Casanova, she might be able to get a movie of the week out of it: Beauty Blows The Beast has a nice ring to it.

Sweaty Seat Hog

I’ve been out of the loop the past couple of days – crazy busy with the poverty thing. It’s amazing how time consuming being poor is. If I only had a dime for every bill collector I successfully avoided…

I saw this blurb about a New York lawyer who is pissed because other people leave their bags on the subway seats and don’t move them even though someone is standing. The NYPD does give out $50 tickets for this, because New York really needs money now.

Well, I can go one better than a package sitting on a seat. I just took the subway, and it’s hot in NY, about 95 and humid today. So a fat guy dripping with sweat, wearing shorts, gets on, and of course tries to squeeze into the seat next to mine. Half of his fat sweaty thigh came down on my just showered thigh.

He didn’t get off me until I yelled at him. He asked me if I felt better after I yelled at him. I told him I’d feel better if he died soon, but getting his fat off me was a good start. He should have to pay double the package fine.

Legal Sector At 1991 Lows

Guess I’m not the only jobless JD. Employment in New York’s legal sector has fallen to lows not seen since 1991, Law.Com reported.

This confirms why University of Michigan and other top students are only getting document review in India:

The labor data confirms earlier reports that law firms had dramatically scaled back their summer associate programs. Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom has 34 summer associates in New York, down from 102 in 2009. Weil, Gotshal & Manges meanwhile has 20, compared to 96 last year. A report by the National Association for Law Placement in May found New York firms reduced 2010 summer associate offers by 44 percent.

Mobster Picks and Licks

A New York crime family captain who goes by the name “Big Nose” not only picked it in court, he then licked every finger. UGH, UGH and UGH. That’s the sort of client you pat on the shoulder and run away from when he holds out his hand to shake.

Witnesses say he spent a full ten minutes looking for nose nuggets while the judge instructed the jury. Maybe he was inspired by Gordon Brown’s public nose pick:

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