Fourth Tier Bottom Feeders

The tuition checks are being cashed and the school doors are about to open wide to another incoming class of blissfully naive students. I’ve blogged repeatedly about the crappy second and third tier schools in New York, but haven’t yet touched on the fourth tier, or what I call matchbook schools, because that’s where you’ll find most of their advertising.

Fourth Tier Albany and Touro law schools are for the truly delusional. Even in the best of times, these are schools with students who have no hope to find work even if they graduate at the top of their bottom of the barrel class.

I knew a woman who graduated from one of the fourth tier toilets “with honors” (which means she showed up sober to most of her classes) and she spent most of her career as a glorified paralegal with delusional aspirations to be an in house counsel. She was extremely impressed with her intelligence, so at least there was one person on the planet who appreciated her. I wouldn’t let her defend me for a traffic ticket.

These schools shouldn’t be accredited and students who go there shouldn’t be offended when asked if they are. It’s a valid question. Here’s what these students missed: If your LSAT score was so low that the only law school you could get into was either Touro or Albany, then you should have either waited and taken the LSAT again, or realized this just wasn’t the field for you.

Frankly, I would have forgotten that they existed if a reader hadn’t asked me to mention Touro. But someone who went to Touro will never be able to forget: They charge $20,475 PER SEMESTER for tuition. Yes, $40,950 big ones a year for a TTTT. Albany is about the same, $39,970 per year just for tuition.

Columbia, a T-5 or 6 depending on the year, charges $48,648. Even going to Columbia in this economy is a risk, going to TTTT Touro or Albany to get a degree that will at best get you a job as a paralegal, is just flushing it down a toilet.

You can still get a refund, the doors haven’t closed yet; grab your money and run out!

The Meds Made Me Do It Defense

Chauncey DePew, a Kansas attorney, harassed not one, but five assistants in just two years. He claims the medicine he was taking for low testosterone made him do it.

In addition to the meds-made-me-do-it defense, Chauncey said that,”he didn’t view his behavior as wrong because he was friends with most of the women he was accused of harassing and was only joking around.”

He does criminal defense, and I really think there is something about criminal law that makes a man crave anal. Chauncey asked one of the assistants if he could “lick her butt.”

Friends don’t ask friends to lick their asses, Chauncey. The court didn’t go for either excuse and suspended him for a year.

Ethan Haines Hunger Strike Update

I just received an email from Ethan Haines, who is on a hunger strike to protest the lack of transparency in law school employment statistics:

JJD,
Just wanted to update you on my status. Today is officially the 8th day of my hunger strike and I have lost 8 pounds – one pound per day. I am still in good physical shape and will continue my hunger strike until I receive a response from law school administrators or my body gives in, whichever comes first. If you need any additional information, I have posted a few new items to my website including a statement regarding my first appearance in the very near future. Thank you again for your interest.

IL Candidate: Close Down 2 Law Schools

Forget George Clooney, I have a new crush. Scott Summers, who is running for Illinois state treasurer, says that Illinois could save money by eliminating two of its three state law schools.

Summers went to Northern Illinois University Law, but thinks it should be shut down along with Southern Illinois:

“We have three public law schools,” Summers told the Daily Herald. “And another seven or eight private law schools and a whole bunch of unemployed lawyers and underemployed lawyers. How long can we as taxpayers continue to support this?” Summers said the state “got by just fine” with one public law school, at the University of Illinois, until SIU’s law school opened in 1973.

It’s a very special man who tries to shut down his alma mater. You go, Scott Summers. Call me, let’s have lunch…

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